Lay your Life Down

I remember when we brought our first child, my daughter, home from the hospital and I finally understood the weight of parenthood: “this is sacrificial love” I thought, “in order for this person to thrive, I have to give myself like I’ve never done before.”

Because I’m strongly driven, I wondered how that would play out with this new baby? This new baby is a person who has destiny and purpose. She is God’s child. My daughter would be nurtured and taught by me, but she belongs to God, not me. How do I fulfill my aspirations and honor God too? …Afterall, this child is His gift.

I felt a similar way when I entered marriage. I remember mourning the fact that I don’t get to call all the shots, if I’m now in a partnership. Like marriage, having a child means you’ve invited another person into your life. My selfish drive doesn’t look like love if I have a baby looking to me for mothership.

Parenthood is a priveledge and a challenge like you’ve never known. It teaches every parent about their shortcomings, and it blesses every parent with the greatest gift possible: Life.

Overcoming your shortcomings becomes necessary when you become a parent. We don’t want our kids experiencing the same dysfunction that we experienced. We also don’t want insecure or troubled kids, because we’re not healed, and home isn’t the safe place kids deserve.

Love Children Well

Loving other people means there is a level of sacrifice required. Why? Because true love isn’t selfish.

True love looks like Corinthians 13:4-8

⁴ Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶ it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. ⁷ It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
⁸ Love never ends…

Jesus says in John 15 that love is a commandment:

¹² ‘This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. ¹³ No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. ¹⁴ You are my friends if you do what I command you.

 

Loving and laying your life down doesn’t mean that you aren’t the authority in the house and the kids get to walk all over you. Loving anyone, including your children, simply means they are priority, and your selfish ambition must stop.

Healthy families have powerful parents who take their rightful position as leaders and teachers. Kids feel empowered when they are disciplined and know proper boundaries and established rules. Children must also have a deep level of freedom and creativity, which they will, when parents show their love.

There must be balance, and there must be love. If God is love, we can’t leave God out of the equation.

Conclusion: Healing isn’t an Option

If we are to raise healthy children with a foundation of Love, then we must invite love, Himself.

1 John 4:8 – But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

The wounds of our past will promote wounds in our future, if we don’t heal. So often an abused individual also abuses. But how do we heal? How do we position our wounded selves to be health and wholeness in our family?

This question is a spiritual question.

Many “healing solutions” in the world are our vain attempts at strengthening our will power to do good and resist our poor behavior or sin nature. This would be the perfect solution, except the bible explicitly explains why this is impossible in Romans 7. The flesh is often too powerful for our spirit to resist, verse 16 says “I do what I do not want to do.”

And then the beauty of Romans 8, comes rushing into our scene assuring us there is no condemnation and that Christ accomplished what the flesh is too weak to accomplish by becoming the likeness of sinful flesh, so that the just requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us that believe.

That’s the gospel. The beautiful story of our redemption from a God that knew no sin, gives us access to righteousness, so that we too could know no sin.

When you’re a parent, you become acutely aware of your shortcomings. You may experience negative generational patterns replicating in your parenting style – you promised yourself you’d never be like that parent, but then you are. You may find your patience tested. You will definitely “fail” at being the perfect example.  And if you didn’t know you have shortcomings, just become a parent and watch your kids pickup your bad habits.

But you don’t have to parent alone. Whether you’re a single parent or in a partnership, God wants to help you (and your partner) parent, because God loves you and your child. It’s God’s greatest desire to teach you what love and health look like in family.

It is as simple as “God show me my shortcomings.” Or if you already know where you fall short, “God help.” The simplicity of the gospel means that there is simplicity in your relationship with God. There is simplicity in healing.

Matthew 18:2-6
And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

Don’t underestimate God’s love for you. He wants healing. He was crucified for this purpose, that you would be free. Your purpose is being an incredible parent to your children.

Invite God into your parenting, and then listen. Your child and you are His priority. Family is priority.